We talked a lot tonight about the ways we delude ourselves, both in romantic relationships ("Oh, he's really not THAT bad!") and in our assessments of our own competence and abilities. Seems like many of us tend to over-estimate the good qualities of our lovers when we're in the throes of romance (Question #5), and many times under-estimate our own good qualities (Questions 2 & 8). Being able to obtain a clear, realistic view of reality seems hard when it's obscured by either our fantasies about knights in shining armor, or our low self-esteem.

Some random phrases and comments overheard during the discussion:

• Romance-Induced Self-Delusion
• If I'm working so hard to keep people from really seeing me, why am I so pissed when they don't see me?
• Excuse me for a moment; you're looking like an asshole, so I'm going to get my rose-colored glasses and I'll be right back.
• Dysfunctional Learning is still Learning.

One of the participants (Lia Nelson) offers the following description of her experience at tonight's discussion:

"The evening went smoothly for me, although there were some bumps that others commented on. What was so rewarding was to watch people catch themselves in some unconscious acts. I even caught myself denying that I have a habit of hiding my real self from my friends by being the "big ear". Sometimes I avoid sharing what's going on in my life by ignoring my needs and ONLY listening, and then I'm pissed when my friends don't give me the attention I want. When I can recognize the ways I block my natural rights from being seen by others, I'm on my way to enjoying life more.

"It was exciting to see that growth in action, and then to share it with others when we did our "highlights" at the end of the evening, because I got to get all that luscious validation. It was quite yummy. I felt an easiness and comfortable flow going on here as we shared some real life with each other. Thanks."

Here are the questions:

1. What changes can I make to appreciate LIFE to its fullest?

2. From what I've been told, how does my view of myself differ from how others see me?

3. What can I do to believe I deserve to be loved?

4. How have I learned to trust myself?

5. To what extent does romance make my life worth living? Or not?

6. How genuine am I in my life?

7. Who is in CONTROL in my romantic relationships?

8. How has my level of self-confidence helped me? hurt me?

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